Ok, so here’s what’s got me so bummed…
New Year’s Eve, we stayed over at his bff’s house. I get along ok with the bff’s gf, but SO says she likes to stir the pot and keep things goin. He said she loves gossip. I stayed inside for a bit cause it was cold outside. She came in there and started talkin to me about SO’s oldest daughter. Here’s a little recap on how his relationship with his daughter has been….No matter how much SO calls her, she won’t answer her phone and never returns his calls. It really hurts SO’s feelings. One day, when he had to take his mom to the hospital, his daughter was walkin down the hallway with a bunch of her friends. She never saw SO and his mom, but he refused to let her know he was there. He said if she could come to town and not let him know she would be coming, he didn’t need to reach out to her. This has been going on for some time now. He’s seen her baby, (his granddaughter) not even a handful of times since she was born in May. He’s tried to reach out many times, but she won’t acknowledge his calls. The last time he spoke to her, she told him it’s a two-way street. Her ignoring him makes him feel like he’s not a good father to her. I told him she’s 20 years old and makes her own decisions now. She was raised by a mother that was bitter towards him her whole childhood because he didn’t marry her instead. When we were married, she never gave me a chance. Of course, she was 2 years old when I first met her. She always had her vindictive, bitter mother in her ear all those years. Then when he got with SHB, she was 8 and SHB was 19. They hit it off swimmingly. She despised me still and it didn’t help that SHB was jsut as jealous of me as L’s mother had been. I was the enemy and never did anything to either one of those hoochies and was always nice to L.
Fast-forward to Saturday night. Bff’s gf told me that L had visited her a few days earlier and asked about me. Asked if Bffgf had ever met me and been around me. Of course we have. L explained to her that I’m the reason she doesn’t talk to her dad. That since she got pregnant and had a baby, she’s got it in her head that I don’t think very highly of her and don’t want Tater around her. Know who convinced her of that? SHB. They still talk, even though SO doesn’t believe they do. She also made a comment that I put her dad through so much. Huh? Like what? She claims that I kept dragging SO back to court asking for more money. If she knew anything about the Texas child support division, she would know that they review each case every 3 years and adjust the child support, if necessary. I never once asked for more money, nor did I ever take him to court. I was the one nice enough to let him know 3 n a half years ago that we were supposed to be meeting for our review at the state office right across the street from where he works. SHB had answered the phone. When I told her why I was calling, she got very angry and said that they didn’t need to review the child support because it had just went down and didn’t need to change again. It only went down because he paid off his back pay that the state had ordered he honor. I never asked for a thing from him. Even when Tater had to have surgery because she was left with SHB’s sister and no one was watching her and she broke her arm. SHB always offered to help pay for any of her medical bills but I never saw anything. I wanted nothing from that witch and I wasn’t about to ask for anything from SO. She was awful to Tater and my daughter remembers every detail very vividly. SHB made me out to be the devil to that kid and she believed it all…hook, line and sinker. The gf said that L was crying about it and it was pretty obvious she doesn’t think much of me. This really hurt me to hear all of this, especially when she makes me out to be such a bad person.
The gf asked me not to tell SO. She suggested that next time we come over, to suggest to SO he invite L to join us and she and I can have a nice little chat. Why? So I can be ambushed? The only person she might listen to is her dad. And that’s a big maybe. That night, I stayed away from everyone for most of the remainder of the night. During the night, SO knew something was wrong because I kept pulling away from him. He was drunk and I didn’t want to open a can of worms when he’s like that. Which isn’t very often. I didn’t get much sleep. I tossed and turned and kept having bad dreams. The next morning, I guess I woke SO up. He asked what was wrong and put his arms around me. I started crying. I told him what C (the gf) had told me. Instantly he said, ‘wait….WHAT???’ I told him everything I’d been told. He assured me that her not talking to him has nothing to do with me and she quit talking to him when he kicked SHB out. Despite the fact that she cheated on her daddy. But I’m the bad guy. The one who’s always been nothing but good to him and never asked for anything. He told me he’s going to talk to L and find out what’s going on and not to worry. Still, it hurts to know that someone hates you so much who never once gave you a chance no matter how much you tried. *sighs*
Good fucking gawd Bren. Can you say MORE parallels?
I’m so sorry. I can relate to so much of this.
I hope that time will fix this and you and L will be able to talk and someone pours a bunch of salt on SHB, and treat her like the slug she is.
I heart you!
i know, i see the similarities. i know it will probably take years to fix this, but i’m patient. however, i am confident that SHB will get hers sooner or later
i heart you too!
It’s horrible that this situation is a reoccuring pattern. When my “mom” and dad divorced, I was a teeny tiny. My “mom” got primary custody (how, I’m not sure…) and remarried. Her pitiful excuse for a husband was constantly trying to tell us what a horrible person my dad was. He would make up lies, just to see if my sister and I believed them. He would say things just to hurt us and see us cry, because even though we knew better, there was always a shred of “what if”.
I’m sorry to hear that L wasn’t wise enough to see past all the smoke that SHB was blowing up her ass. Hopefully she’ll realize that she should give you a chance. The best bet to that happening is her getting in touch with SO first though.
I understand that SO is always trying to call L. Maybe he should send her a text though? Sometimes it’s easier to figure out what to say to someone when you have a minute to compose yourself (rather than answering the phone and not knowing what to say.) Don’t ever let SO give up hope though. The thing I am most angry about (right now anyway) is that my “mom” never tried.
SO told me tonight that he will not discuss it with her over the phone. He’ll go talk to her face to face. He said he’ll let her know that what she thinks she knows about me, that everything SHB said about me is a lie. Even though he wants his daughter and I to get along, he told me either she accepts me back in his life, or she doesn’t. But he said regardless of what she thinks, it’s his life and he’s going to be with me whether she likes it or not. He said the same goes for his friends, although the only person I’ve heard them say they don’t want him with is SHB. This is a big switch for the SO i was once married to. But no, he won’t give up hope.
I think he is right to want to face to face it.
I totally give him props for that.