Sometimes in life, you find the need to shake things up. Perhaps you’ve found yourself at a crossroads. You could continue taking the same stale path you’ve been on, or you can venture out on a new adventure into the unknown. Or if you’re like me, you never realized just how unhappy you really were and that you had a constant cloud hanging over you until you finally stepped away.

This was me, unwilling to be honest with myself about my level of unhappiness with my job…until recently. I’d been with the same company for over 10 years. The job itself was okay, but it was the people (well, most of them) that I enjoyed working with. That’s the only explanation I can give for staying as long as I did. Plenty had happened over the years that never sat right with me, unethical things, favoritism, etc. The list is endless. But…what can you do?

One day a couple of months ago, I finally decided enough is enough. I applied with another company and didn’t really give it much thought until they called me earlier this month. I went through the interview process and was offered the position. I’d be taking a pay cut, but I never gave it a moments thought about whether or not to accept it. It was a no-brainer. When looking at the pros and cons of staying at my old job, the bad outweighed the good. And I knew that without even having to think about it. I shocked everyone and left the company that I once thought I’d retire from. And everyone that worked with me for all those years also thought I was a lifer.

My point is that in life, whatever the situation, you might feel that you’re stuck. You’re not. Maybe sticking it out and working things out is what’s best for you. Or maybe walking away and starting over is what you need. Either way, you just have to be willing to be honest with yourself and decide what’s best for you and do it!



Sometimes you don’t realize that the most negative people are those you were once closest too. Funny how that works out. You don’t see the truth for what it really is until you take a step back.

Mean, Crazy, Angry People


I realize there are plenty of the above people in this world,  but I never realized that there are so many in my My local tv station posted something earlier and I commented on it. Within 5 minutes, about 6 different people jumped on the bandwagon being ugly. I knew there were some crazy people in my town, but I never realized just how much they hate law enforcement. We turn to law enforcement when we’re someone is trying to harm us, they’re also the ones that write us a ticket when we’re speeding, etc. But I never realized jsut how much people in my town really hate them. I disliked them when I was 18 and stupid and hanging around the wrong people, but these are adults I’m talking about. I sat there in disbelief at the things these people were saying and how they were all trying to act big and bad through their text, so I deleted my comment. They’re not worth my time or energy. I’m seeing more and more jsut how small-minded some people are. Small town America used to be full of friendly people that would speak to each other and wave as they were passing. Now it seems there’s a lot of angry people that jsut want to argue. It makes me sad that we live in the society that we do today. Crazy, crazy.



Recently, one of my son’s best friend’s mom died suddenly. She hadn’t been sick and was presumably healthy. My son took it pretty hard since he grew up around her. The morning after she passed away, balloons were released in her honor. I wasn’t aware of it until I saw one of my FB friends ranting about it. They stated that they knew it was to honor someone who passed, but they only cared about the balloons being released into the environment. I was outraged that someone could be so disrespectful. Of course, others chimed in with agreement as people usually do. Follow the leader, right? Finally, I said something. The ranting continued. I said nothing else.

Last week, I attended the funeral. I don’t know what people do in your neck of the woods, but in mine, when there is a funeral procession people pull over out of respect. Even if it’s a divided highway, they pull over. That’s what they did last week, the highways pretty much shut down when there’s a funeral procession. It makes me feel good to know that people here (most people) still know how to show respect.

I’m going to backtrack a bit. About 6 months ago, one of my daughter’s friends died in an alcohol-related accident. She was a good kid that was making bad decisions and unfortunately it ended up catching up with her. My daughter took it pretty hard, she was living out-of-town going to school so she wasn’t able to attend the funeral. The thing that bothered me about her death was that a fundraiser was held in a bar for her family. A bar! She was killed from drunk-driving and they held the fundraiser in a bar. From what I heard, her family got drunk at the fundraiser. It made me sick. The bad part was that a lot of people didn’t have a problem with it. It jsut makes me wonder what has our society come to?


Renovating…Lessons Learned



About a year and a half ago, I purchased laminate flooring for my house but never installed it. Since I decided that I’m going to sell my house and move, I decided to use the flooring in the house I’m moving to. About a month ago, I installed the flooring in my daughter’s room. It looked alright other than the lines from the seams. If you’ve ever installed flooring, you know where I’m going with this. I was talking to someone at work a day or two after I had installed it. They had told me how they had installed flooring in their house, as well. They talked about how easy it was, besides having to cut the planks to stagger them. I questioned her about staggering…I had no clue you’re supposed to stagger even though I had a how-to book. It didn’t illustrate or come out and say that you’re supposed to stagger, so I didn’t. I decided that I was jsut going to leave the floor as is. Until 2 weekends ago. I had a 3-day weekend that I spent painting at the other house. On the third day off, I couldn’t take it anymore. After a little research, I went to the house and pulled the flooring up that I had previously laid down. This time, I staggered the flooring and it looks so much better! The reasoning for staggering is to strengthen the flooring. If the seams meet, they’ll eventually come up too easily. Therefore, when you stagger, the planks won’t be so apt to weaken and come apart. Lesson learned. Now I’ll be able to do the next room without having to re-do it a month later!



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snowball     This is my cat Snowball. He was a stray who started showing up at my house a couple of years ago. I started leaving food out for him and eventually made friends with him. I took him in and he became a part of our family. I used to have a female cat that he ended up getting pregnant the night before I got him neutered. I have another cat that is part Siamese, but she lives outside because she can’t remember to use the litter box. Once the momma cat and her babies found new homes, Snowball really started coming into his own. He used to be very unsocial, but once he had the house to himself he became a totally different cat. He loves attention, he’ll run to you just to jump in your lap so he can get some luvins. He’ll even run to the litter box when he needs to go. He’s such a sweet baby, and when he meows, he really squeaks so usually he’s a silent boy other than his purring. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that he started losing weight, and he’s always been a hearty boy. He was also drooling quite a bit. I called my vet that I trust and have used for years, but they couldn’t get him in until the next day. I was afraid he got into something he shouldn’t have, although I don’t have any chemical product just sitting around. Because I didn’t want to wait, I called another vet who neutered him last year. They were able to see him that day. When I got him there, mine was the only car in their tiny parking lot other than the people who work there. Not a good sign since my usual vet’s office is always packed. When I brought him inside, they knew who he was. Also not a good sign, because it tells me that they didn’t have a lot of business. A girl opened a door labeled ‘private’ and said I could bring him in. They led me through a tiny corridor and into a very small room that consisted of a small exam table. The doctor walked in and asked what was going on. As I explained, he opened Snowball’s mouth and said he’d take a look at him and would probably lance his salivary gland and then stitch him up. He and his assistant stood there and looked at me, so I started asking questions. He was very vague with his answers. Against my better judgement, I left him in their care because I just wanted him better. The next morning, the vet called me and informed me that he ran tests on Snowball and found that he has feline leukemia and FIV (feline AIDS). I was shocked and told the vet that I wasn’t expecting that. He laughed and said he wasn’t either, *insert frowny face*. I again, attempted to ask questions only to get vague responses. He said that he could either do the procedure to his salivary gland or he could just let him sleep. I asked how much the procedure would cost and all he told me was that it would be $40 for the anesthesia.  I hung up the phone and cried. I called my mom who freaked out and said that I needed to have him put down because he may pass it on to us. I tried calling the vet back but got some uncaring woman on the phone. I explained to her why I was calling and all I got was silence. I had to ask her if she was still on the phone, she simply said she was listening. She finally said that she would have the doctor call me, which she didn’t. I wanted answers, real answers, what to expect, if he would suffer if I continued to let him go on. I waited about 10 minutes and called back and got a different woman. When I told her what was going on, she put me on hold and came back to the phone after a couple of minutes. She said Snowball was starting to wake up and I was relieved. I did research on the internet and found that cats can live for years with this and it’s more common in male cats because they roam so much. It’s common for it to be spread through them being bitten. When I picked him up from the vet, $193 please. And then they proceeded to tell me that they fed him Fancy Feast during his stay and that he’s still drooling. They said that if it continues, the doctor can go back in because it might be his pituitary gland. I paid the outrageous amount and collected my sweet boy and left.  When my daughter got home, she cried as she held him because she knew he would eventually pass but thankful I didn’t let them put him down. Back at home, he’s his usual sweet self. I’ve fed him canned Special Kitty and he loves it. I’m trying to put some weight back on him, plus he deserves a treat. I plan on taking him to my usual vet and having him re-tested. There was something totally shady about that entire experience at that other vet’s office. At my vet’s office, the people actually seem to care about their patients. At least I’ll get some real answers from a vet who’s professional and actually gives a shit.

Where Do You Come From?


I first began researching my genealogy while I was going through my divorce. I didn’t have a job at the time, so I figured it would keep me busy during my down time until I found a job, which didn’t take long. I began with my dad’s family on his mom’s side, which took me back to the late 1600s. When I researched one line back to England, I was hooked. I’ve been knee-deep in research eversince. My dad and I take turns researching. He’ll hit a wall and I pick up and take my turn at it and visa versa. We’ve had much success researching our family. My mom’s family has been the real challenge. Both of her parents are gone and although her mom’s family kept up with their family history, her dad’s family didn’t. Hence, the challenge. I’ve utilized many resources over the years and a couple of weeks ago, I purchased a DNA kit through I got my kit a week ago and sent it off the next day. I check my account daily to see if they’ve received it yet and begun to process it in the lab. I can’t wait to see what they find! If you’ve never researched your family history, or even had the desire to try, I encourage you to do so. I’ll admit that it can take quite some time to find what you’re looking for. I’ve turned it into a lifelong passion of mine, But I will tell you this, it can be very exciting and rewarding and something that you can pass down for generations! Happy hunting!

Remembering and Forgetting


Today is my youngest daughter’s 17th birthday. If you have kids, you realize how quickly the years fly by. It dawned on me this morning as she was getting ready for school that her father, my ex-husband’s birthday was 4 weeks ago. I’ve always been one to help remind her of his birthday and Father’s day, even when he and I weren’t on good terms. My ex-husband is one who gets his feelings hurt easily. He’s always been one to get down on himself, he doesn’t have any self-esteem, absolutely no self-respect. Even when he was with SHB for all those years, I would remind Tater of those specific dates. Ironic that he gets his feelings hurt when he’s never had any regard for mine or how bad he’s hurt me during our marriage and after. And then, this morning I remembered his birthday. Oh darn, this year it completely slipped my mind. I’m sure he spent his day at his best friend’s house drinking beer and feeling sorry for himself.

Those of you that are new to my blog are wondering, I’m sure, how I can be so cold-hearted when it comes to him. You’re probably thinking I’m just another woman scorned. I was years ago, but I got over that long ago. I’ll give you a quick recap on my ex-husband. I met him when I was just 24, very inexperienced in life and especially dating. I was blown away by him. He had a child from a previous long-term relationship, his high school sweetheart. He portrayed himself as the dedicated, doting father and I fell for it. I fell for everything. He seemed like such a sweet, caring guy. Until I married him, he completely changed the day after we married. It was like he has a complete personality change and I married a stranger. It didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t a good parent at all. When it was his weekend, he would drop his daughter off at his parents house and never spend time with her, ever. He was and is very controlling, very jealous and very hurtful towards me with his words. He constantly put me down, very verbally abusive. He told me I would never find anyone else to love me. He was also sexually abusive – he made it a goal (no, seriously) to hurt me during sex so I could tell I’d had sex with him.

After we were married 2 years I got pregnant, he told me he wanted me to have an abortion. He said we weren’t ready, even though I already had 2 kids and he had 1. He said that we could have one in 5 years and if I didn’t want to have a baby with him, he’d find someone else to have it with. When I had our daughter, he wouldn’t call my family to let them know that I was in labor. In my family, we never missed being at the hospital for anyone in our family. He said it was late so we could call them in the morning. He said there wasn’t anything they could do anyway. His parents weren’t there, they hated me. I knew I was having a girl, but I didn’t tell him because I couldn’t handle the disappointed look on his face because he wanted a boy so badly. But I had to see that look anyway when she was born when my doctor announced that we had a girl. Once they took me to a room, my ex only complained about the room so I told him to go home, he did but I doubt that he actually went home. I spent the night in the hospital by myself, I should have taken that opportunity to call my family. The next morning my doctor told me that I was so anaemic that if it didn’t improve, he would have to do a blood transfusion on me. Luckily, it improved. When I got home from the hospital I was so weak for 3 weeks that I could barely walk or get out of bed. My ex told me that I needed to clean the house, that I wasn’t crippled. He took every opportunity to make fun of me, but that was all the time.

He cheated on me many times during those 4 years and didn’t really try to hide it from me. He was cruel. Even when I was pregnant with Tater. Our marriage, by law, lasted 5 years but I only stayed with him for 4. I left a week before Christmas, we’d just hit the 4 year mark 2 months earlier and it took me a year to pay off the attorney before the divorce could be finalized. There’s more to the story, but I won’t go on.

I will say that I must have fallen and hit my head or something when I took him back 3 years ago. I guess I suppressed all the bad memories, or maybe it was as simple as needing closure. What a nightmare. Anyway, I found over the on-and-off 2 years that we were together that he was still verbally abusive, only more subtle than before. He was also still sexually abusive. I ended up having to see a doctor after one of his…having to prove to himself what a ‘man’ he was and I had to lie to the doctor about how I got hurt. He would help his friends out financially or any other way he could no matter what it cost him. But, he would never do that for his wife and kids. Funny how that works out. His bff has borrowed thousands of dollars from him and has never paid him a penny back. But he keeps on helping while his bff spends his money on weed and whatever else he does. My ex keeps helping though.

For my daughter’s sake, I remained friends with him. Something to the effect of I didn’t want to kick someone while they were already down. Why? Because he had a drinking problem, and a pretty serious one. He may still have one but I’m not sure. A couple of months ago, I had a near-meltdown. I’ve had to help my two oldest kids out financially. One in college and the other with a young family. Needless to say, it put me in a big financial bind. I was desperate, which is not a good way to be. I turned to my ex, we were friends and he always said he’d do anything for me so I took him up on it. What he never told me is that there are stipulations when it comes to me, even though I’ve always been there for him no matter the circumstance. I was facing losing my home and I turned to him. He began getting ugly with me and took that opportunity to start putting me down. I got angry and told him I was sorry I turned to him. He apologized and said he would help. He also suggested I just quit paying on my house altogether because he thinks it’s a piece of junk, even though he lives in a trailer and I live in a very nice 100k home that only needs repainting. He told me that I got in over my head and suggested I file for bankruptcy. Something I didn’t feel comfortable doing, but I didn’t tell him that. Again, desperate. That was the stipulation, I do what he says or he wouldn’t help. He never came out and said that, but he didn’t have to. I’ve known him 20 years, enough said.

Tater’s prom night, he came over to take pictures of her. He called me about an hour after he left and asked if I did any research on bankruptcy. I told him I hadn’t. Hello, daughter…prom night? I haven’t heard from him since. I regret turning to him, not because he didn’t help, but because I sunk that low to turn to the person that didn’t want our daughter in the first place. The same person that resents me because the state takes child support out of his check because he wasn’t paying it on his own. The same person that, despite what our divorce papers say that were signed by a JUDGE, has never payed his half of all of our daughter’s medical bills. I am, however, proud to say that I pulled myself out of my hole and got caught up on everything without having to depend on anyone, especially him. And when I sell my house and I WILL sell my house, despite my ex telling me that no one will ever buy it, I’m going to shove it in his selfish, jerky face.

Oh, and so sorry that I forgot to remind our daughter that it was your birthday asshole. I guess you should have taken the time to be an actual father to her instead of just texting her ‘good morning’ every morning and never actually seeing her except for no more than an hour once a year even though you live 20 miles away. I hope your birthday was swell.

Some Things That Make Me Smile


My cat Snowball

My cat Snowball

My favorite tree, and it's branches are filled with Honeysuckle...such an amazing smell.

My favorite tree, my Crepe Myrtle – and it’s branches are filled with Honeysuckle…such an amazing smell!

Texas State Capital

Texas State Capital

Looking up!

Looking up!


These are only a few of my favorite things. I added pics of the Capital because I think it’s beautiful. But, anytime I’m having a bad day, there are things that can bring a smile to my face. My fur-babies, a favorite smell, squirrels :), birds singing, daisies, a pretty sunset, rainbows. It’s always good to stop and appreciate what you have around you, even the little things 🙂






This is something I’ve sought for the past 5 years, although I’ve spoken to no one about it. It all started 5 years ago when my oldest daughter found her sperm donor through the internet. She reached out to him and he came to town. For a brief time, we fell back into the possibility of an us, it didn’t work out. But on the upside, I finally got closure that I should have gotten 17 years before.

And then I allowed the ex-hubs to come back into my life. I didn’t go into it with the intention of getting closure, I truly gave it a chance. As time went on, part of me wondered if that’s all it was…allowing me to get closure from something that had gotten cut short, jsut as it had with my oldest daughter’s SD. I let the relationship continue until I jsut couldn’t stay in it any longer. This time it was a lot easier to walk away from than it was the first time. He’s a douchebag, always has been and part of me wishes that I would have seen it from the get-go, but I have a daughter from my only marriage that’s beautiful both inside and out, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Then I allowed an ex-bf to come back into my life, it lasted for a short while. At the time, I didn’t know what to expect from that but I went with it. I got closure from that time of my life that had once again evaded me years before. Even though I never got answers from him about why things happened the way that they did, as I had from the previous two, I don’t feel that I’m haunted by it all.

There is one that evades me and always will. My first love, I was barely 18 when I met him and hadn’t even been out of high school for a week. He’s the one that taught me what a relationship is, what love is. What I was willing to put up with and what I wasn’t. He’s the only man who ever proposed to me, even though there wasn’t a ring involved. He’s my first-born’s father and I ended our relationship 24 years ago after being off and on for 3 years. He wasn’t a part of my son’s life, but had he tried to be and kept himself clean, I would have let him. But sadly, he never really tried and I wasn’t going to force him. Had it not been for the drugs, I would have never left him. It killed me to do that, he had goodness in him that not everyone saw. I see a lot of his personality traits in my son. My son, now having a family of his own, has met his dad’s family. He’d met them once when he was 14, but they never pursued maintaining a relationship with him. Now, he doesn’t care if they maintain a presence in his life or not. They all met up again and he was able to introduce them all to his wife and his son. It’s amazing what a difference a baby makes in a family, even though knowing that my son is his dad’s only child.

His dad got really bad into drugs after we had broken up, even more so than what he was when we were together. He racked up a criminal record along the way and is now in a nursing home where people care for him. He has to use a walker too. There was a time when he was experiencing memory loss. I pray that it wasn’t the loss of having me in his life that pushed him over the edge. I never wanted that for him. I find myself living with a lot of guilt, for not sticking it out and seeing if he would turn things around for himself. I’ve told no one that. But I live with it. We both grew up here, so there’s always the memory of places we used to go. I’ll hear a song on the radio that will remind me of time we spent together. Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, basically any song from the late 80s, early 90s…they all remind me of him.

For a long time, I pushed it all to the back of my mind. I know that what he put me through was not good for me, he changed my life forever in more ways than I could ever imagine. But I have to learn to forgive myself, even though I know I gave it everything I could until I jsut couldn’t give anymore. I am thankful that I have the best part of him in my son and maybe, jsut maybe, his family who are notorious for keeping to themselves, won’t turn their backs on my son, and now his family, again. I asked for forgiveness long ago from God for walking away from that man who absolutely took my breath away jsut from the sight of him, from the very mention of his name, from him jsut looking at me like no one else ever has. Like he was looking straight through to my soul and saw me for who I was. Maybe, one of these days, I can forgive myself even though I was too inexperienced to recognize what was going on with him and not knowing how to help. I recognized back then that I was a co-dependent, but I didn’t see jsut how serious his situation really was and that it was only going to get worse. I only knew that I couldn’t let him drag me down with him. I hate that I couldn’t help and I think that’s what bothers me the most. It’s times like these that I have to remember the Serenity Prayer. This picture that I posted is a cross I have hanging on the wall in my room next to my  bedroom door. Of course, it’s only a part of the Serenity Prayer, but he’s the reason that cross hangs there.