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For me, there is one person that comes to mind when I think of the word Player. Not because I think of him that way, but because that’s how others do and refer to him. You haven’t heard a country accent until you’ve heard his. I met him 8+ years ago, through chat. He’s the man in my life who came after Mr. Oklahoma. We had voice in that chat room, which was really cool. The first thing that struck me about this guy was his country accent. When I first met him, he was ‘dating’ a particular skank I am sad to say that I was once friends with. I wouldn’t even say they were dating. Anyway, I was new to the chat room and had started making friends. Then I became acquainted with him. By this time, he had stopped ‘dating’ the skank. We started talking, he asked for my number and it went from there. After a couple of weeks, we decided to meet. He only lived two hours away, so it was manageable. We spent the weekend together and decided to be a couple. I fell for him, hard. Not immediately, but I did. Getting him to admit his feelings was like pulling teeth. I remember him once telling me that he had missed me and he struggled to even get the words out. He was good to me for the most part and I so enjoyed the time we spent together. I absolutely loved his mom. But there were times that we were around our friends at chat parties, etc., and he would say mean things. I’m sure to him, it was just all in fun. But for me, it really struck me to the core. Little did he know that when I was still married, my ex-husband would purposely say things to belittle me and he (the ex-hub) got great joy out of it. And the wounds were still fresh. My new boyfriend’s words would really sting, but I never said a word.

We stayed together for a year (he says two), until one weekend we all spent at the beach. Before I headed that way, I felt I had to let him know how I truly felt about him. So I wrote him an email and told him that I was in love with him. He didn’t get the email until he got back home. Then after a few days, I was in our regular room one day. He was talking in voice to one of the regulars who had a girlfriend that lives pretty close to his town. He and the girl started talking. I was stunned by what I was hearing. He met the girl in person and they were talking about it openly in chat. They had actually arranged a meeting and he physically met another female chatter without letting me know. He was saying how sexy she was. I felt like hurling. She had a good 10 years on us and was quite wrinkly. I confronted him about it. He made the statement that we weren’t really together anyway. So I called him. He told me he wasn’t looking for love and could not handle having just a weekend romance. He was being very cold and he broke my heart into a million pieces.

Things were very difficult for me after that. I couldn’t stand being in a chat room with him, I would have to leave. It hurt too much. He had always been one to flirt with girls, which is how he earned the label Player. But for him to do it in front of me now? That was a bad time for me. One night I was in chat with the skank. She was a proven instigator, always trying to start crap. This particular night, she started talking about him and was coaxing me into doing the same thing. What I didn’t know was that she was sending him messages telling him that I was talking about him. He popped in there and told me to keep his name out of my business. I was again, stunned. I couldn’t believe she did that to me, but I never said anything to her about it. There was another incident later that she was trying to coordinate between me, her and his ex-girlfriend before me. She had the idea for all of us to try to lead him on. She then went to him and told him that I was trying to scheme something up against him between all of us. He confronted me about it and I explained that I was not the one behind it all. After a few minutes of talking, he did the unthinkable. He admitted to me that he hadn’t realized how much he loved me until he didn’t have me anymore. But now he was really freaked out by me trying to conjure something up between the skank and his ex-girlfriend. That was an awful way to find out how he truly felt about me.

After that, we would start seeing each other off and on. This continued for 4 more years. We’d start talking again, start seeing each other and then nothing. Everything would just come to a screeching halt. For years, I just could not seem to get over him. And of course, he didn’t help matters much. He would stay in contact with me, I guess to keep the flame burning. Is it possible he really missed me? I guess only he will ever know.

The last time I saw him was 3+ years ago. Before he met me, he had been through a divorce that had just devastated him. Because of his ex, he felt that all women were the same. At least, that’s what he said. He never would completely let go of it and give himself to another. I couldn’t continue putting myself through that cycle with him. I couldn’t see myself five years down the road still going back and forth with him. Him still not letting me in. It broke my heart, but I had to walk away. And yes, he still crosses my mind, more than he might think.

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