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This story began eleven years ago. I met him in a Yahoo chat room. He was acquaintances with someone I was also acquainted with. He and I got into it one day over something stupid. I was about to write him off as just another chat jerk when he sent me a message apologizing for his behavior. From then on, we were friends. Over the years we’ve shared many intimate details with each other from our day-to-day lives. He’s been there for me through so much, and I for him. He was 19 when our friendship began. I’d never met a guy so immature, but he was so fun to talk to. When he’d come online, it would put an instant smile on my face. After we’d been friends for about a year, he told me he loved me – as a friend, and asked if it was okay that he tell me that. Of course, I was alright with it. Somewhere down the line, on nights when he’d been out to the bar – he would come home and talk to me, drunker than Cooter Brown. He got to the point where he would start talking about the possibility of an ‘us’. I always wrote the whole scenario off as the alcohol talking and never gave it another thought. This went on for years.

Four years ago, he was telling me one night how unfair it was that there were guys out there that wouldn’t treat me as they should. And he knew he could treat me better than anyone ever could. I asked him if he’d been drinking again and told him that it was the alcohol talking again. He told me he wasn’t drunk, he hadn’t been out and that it hasn’t been the alcohol talking for years – this was him. I was stunned. And he was right, I had met my fair share of jerks including The Player. He’d been there for me all those nights I cried because I wasn’t being treated like I deserved. I remember how angry he would get when The Player wouldn’t treat me as he should. We talked about the possibility of what it would be like if we were together. As my best friend, I love him with all my heart. I’d been hearing him whine all those years about how he wished he could have me for his own, but now I was starting to listen. I was still in love with the Player, of course, but I knew my friend inside and out. He’s an absolutely wonderful man. He’s very intelligent, which is a complete turn-on for me, and he knows me. He sees me for who I am, he always has. There’s so many people that don’t.

The next month, January of ’06, I got a call from him on my cell. I had sent him a text while I was at lunch. I was sitting in the parking lot at work when he called me. He told me he was thinking of coming there in March. I was absolutely delighted. Just the thought of seeing him gave me butterflies. Finally, after seven years we would get to meet face to face. He was planning on driving, which surprised me since he lives a thousand miles away. He was planning to stay with a friend of his from his hometown in New Mexico that moved a couple of hours away from me. We started making plans, we couldn’t wait to see each other. For the next two months, I worried that something would come up and he wouldn’t be able to make it. Luckily, everything went as planned and he was able to come down.

I took off from work for the two days he was in my town. I remember the first time I was face to face with him. I went to see him at his hotel room. When he came to the door, he towered at 6’4″ in the doorway. We hugged, that was nice. We spent the next couple of hours watching tv together and eventually we snuggled. At one point, I looked up at him and he kissed me. Again, the butterflies. This is someone that I’d been friends with for years. He had confided in me about his relationships and I had done the same. And now, something was developing between us. I felt my wall slowly going down. By the end of the two days, we were both dreading the moment we would have to say our goodbyes. When that time came, he was sitting in his truck and I was standing there beside him. I started crying. I’d known what a good person he is all those years, but then to get to know him in person…there’s jsut something about him. He really gets me, and I know what he feels inside. He’s incredibly handsome and he’s an amazing kisser. Phew! At one point, I looked at him and he was crying too. This made me cry even more. I knew how bad I was going to miss him. I jsut feel so happy and at peace when I’m with him. When we finally hugged each other for the last time and had our last kiss, we got in our vehicles and drove the opposite way. I cried as I watched his truck fade into the distance. At that time, I knew something had changed between us forever.

Sadly, he says he knows what he wants, but is too scared to take that step. Get out of his comfort zone. I’m not about to uproot my life for someone when they’re not willing to do the same for me. He still tells me often that he misses me and talks about the past, but I’ve learned to kind of filter it all out. Like I used to. Even after everything, after he let me down…he’s still my best friend. Of course there are some things I’d choose not to talk to him about, but we’re still close as ever. I only want the best for him, always. As I know he does for me.

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