Babytex

~ Just a girl…

Babytex

Category Archives: Divorce

Remembering and Forgetting

13 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by Babytex in Divorce, Relationships, Stress

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

dead-beat dads

Today is my youngest daughter’s 17th birthday. If you have kids, you realize how quickly the years fly by. It dawned on me this morning as she was getting ready for school that her father, my ex-husband’s birthday was 4 weeks ago. I’ve always been one to help remind her of his birthday and Father’s day, even when he and I weren’t on good terms. My ex-husband is one who gets his feelings hurt easily. He’s always been one to get down on himself, he doesn’t have any self-esteem, absolutely no self-respect. Even when he was with SHB for all those years, I would remind Tater of those specific dates. Ironic that he gets his feelings hurt when he’s never had any regard for mine or how bad he’s hurt me during our marriage and after. And then, this morning I remembered his birthday. Oh darn, this year it completely slipped my mind. I’m sure he spent his day at his best friend’s house drinking beer and feeling sorry for himself.

Those of you that are new to my blog are wondering, I’m sure, how I can be so cold-hearted when it comes to him. You’re probably thinking I’m just another woman scorned. I was years ago, but I got over that long ago. I’ll give you a quick recap on my ex-husband. I met him when I was just 24, very inexperienced in life and especially dating. I was blown away by him. He had a child from a previous long-term relationship, his high school sweetheart. He portrayed himself as the dedicated, doting father and I fell for it. I fell for everything. He seemed like such a sweet, caring guy. Until I married him, he completely changed the day after we married. It was like he has a complete personality change and I married a stranger. It didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t a good parent at all. When it was his weekend, he would drop his daughter off at his parents house and never spend time with her, ever. He was and is very controlling, very jealous and very hurtful towards me with his words. He constantly put me down, very verbally abusive. He told me I would never find anyone else to love me. He was also sexually abusive – he made it a goal (no, seriously) to hurt me during sex so I could tell I’d had sex with him.

After we were married 2 years I got pregnant, he told me he wanted me to have an abortion. He said we weren’t ready, even though I already had 2 kids and he had 1. He said that we could have one in 5 years and if I didn’t want to have a baby with him, he’d find someone else to have it with. When I had our daughter, he wouldn’t call my family to let them know that I was in labor. In my family, we never missed being at the hospital for anyone in our family. He said it was late so we could call them in the morning. He said there wasn’t anything they could do anyway. His parents weren’t there, they hated me. I knew I was having a girl, but I didn’t tell him because I couldn’t handle the disappointed look on his face because he wanted a boy so badly. But I had to see that look anyway when she was born when my doctor announced that we had a girl. Once they took me to a room, my ex only complained about the room so I told him to go home, he did but I doubt that he actually went home. I spent the night in the hospital by myself, I should have taken that opportunity to call my family. The next morning my doctor told me that I was so anaemic that if it didn’t improve, he would have to do a blood transfusion on me. Luckily, it improved. When I got home from the hospital I was so weak for 3 weeks that I could barely walk or get out of bed. My ex told me that I needed to clean the house, that I wasn’t crippled. He took every opportunity to make fun of me, but that was all the time.

He cheated on me many times during those 4 years and didn’t really try to hide it from me. He was cruel. Even when I was pregnant with Tater. Our marriage, by law, lasted 5 years but I only stayed with him for 4. I left a week before Christmas, we’d just hit the 4 year mark 2 months earlier and it took me a year to pay off the attorney before the divorce could be finalized. There’s more to the story, but I won’t go on.

I will say that I must have fallen and hit my head or something when I took him back 3 years ago. I guess I suppressed all the bad memories, or maybe it was as simple as needing closure. What a nightmare. Anyway, I found over the on-and-off 2 years that we were together that he was still verbally abusive, only more subtle than before. He was also still sexually abusive. I ended up having to see a doctor after one of his…having to prove to himself what a ‘man’ he was and I had to lie to the doctor about how I got hurt. He would help his friends out financially or any other way he could no matter what it cost him. But, he would never do that for his wife and kids. Funny how that works out. His bff has borrowed thousands of dollars from him and has never paid him a penny back. But he keeps on helping while his bff spends his money on weed and whatever else he does. My ex keeps helping though.

For my daughter’s sake, I remained friends with him. Something to the effect of I didn’t want to kick someone while they were already down. Why? Because he had a drinking problem, and a pretty serious one. He may still have one but I’m not sure. A couple of months ago, I had a near-meltdown. I’ve had to help my two oldest kids out financially. One in college and the other with a young family. Needless to say, it put me in a big financial bind. I was desperate, which is not a good way to be. I turned to my ex, we were friends and he always said he’d do anything for me so I took him up on it. What he never told me is that there are stipulations when it comes to me, even though I’ve always been there for him no matter the circumstance. I was facing losing my home and I turned to him. He began getting ugly with me and took that opportunity to start putting me down. I got angry and told him I was sorry I turned to him. He apologized and said he would help. He also suggested I just quit paying on my house altogether because he thinks it’s a piece of junk, even though he lives in a trailer and I live in a very nice 100k home that only needs repainting. He told me that I got in over my head and suggested I file for bankruptcy. Something I didn’t feel comfortable doing, but I didn’t tell him that. Again, desperate. That was the stipulation, I do what he says or he wouldn’t help. He never came out and said that, but he didn’t have to. I’ve known him 20 years, enough said.

Tater’s prom night, he came over to take pictures of her. He called me about an hour after he left and asked if I did any research on bankruptcy. I told him I hadn’t. Hello, daughter…prom night? I haven’t heard from him since. I regret turning to him, not because he didn’t help, but because I sunk that low to turn to the person that didn’t want our daughter in the first place. The same person that resents me because the state takes child support out of his check because he wasn’t paying it on his own. The same person that, despite what our divorce papers say that were signed by a JUDGE, has never payed his half of all of our daughter’s medical bills. I am, however, proud to say that I pulled myself out of my hole and got caught up on everything without having to depend on anyone, especially him. And when I sell my house and I WILL sell my house, despite my ex telling me that no one will ever buy it, I’m going to shove it in his selfish, jerky face.

Oh, and so sorry that I forgot to remind our daughter that it was your birthday asshole. I guess you should have taken the time to be an actual father to her instead of just texting her ‘good morning’ every morning and never actually seeing her except for no more than an hour once a year even though you live 20 miles away. I hope your birthday was swell.

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Get the Picture Already!

24 Sunday Jul 2011

Posted by Babytex in Divorce

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Tags

the ex

Last weekend Tater spent the weekend with SO. It was her first weekend to actually stay over in probably a year. She doesn’t laying staying over if it’s jsut her. Now that her oldest sister has a family of her own, she won’t be staying weekends with Daddy anymore. Tater usually prefers to jsut hang out with him for the day. This past weekend, his best friend and gf had their closest friends over so Tater and SO stayed over there. The friends have a daughter that is close to Tater’s age whom she’s friends with. The night that he brought Tater home, he called me. As always, I was having trouble with my pos Samsung phone and it wouldn’t let me answer my phone. I called him back and after the initial, I jsut took Tater home, he began asking how I was. My usual, I’m fine. He told me that he’s wanted to call and hoped I would call, but wanted to give me time. For what? I ended things for a reason. Not because I needed to think, but because he totally dismissed our daughter for 8 months and I wasn’t happy with him. End of story. We gave it a go and it didn’t work. I’m not going back. I’ll be his friend, but that’s it.

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Surprise!

22 Tuesday Feb 2011

Posted by Babytex in Divorce, Ugh!

≈ 7 Comments

Not really…SO called me a few minutes ago and informed me that SHB is getting a divorce. Yes, already. Word has it that she’s saying her new hubs drinks too much, she’s one to talk. From what I understand, she’s been referred to on more than one occasion as an alcoholic. I told SO that I’m sure he’ll be hearing from her real soon. He always does. I’m so sick of her.

Tomorrow I’m going out-of-town to help with inventory on the last two stores. I’ll be back on Friday, then Saturday I’m taking defensive driving. I’m still ticked at that stupid cop from December! I hope everyone is having a happier week than me 🙂

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Stupid Bitches

16 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by Babytex in Divorce, Love, Relationships, Ugh!, Uncategorized

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bitches, stupid bitches, whore

Last night I went to see the Significant Other. After a while, he told me about a woman friend of his that helps his former sister-in-law(fat ass or FA) with her candle business. The FA has her little “shop” (portable building) on his boss’ body shop property, so he sees her fat ass often. Anyway, his friend informed him yesterday that the FA told her that she thinks the reason her sister(the Witch) started cheating on my S.O. is because he’d been seeing me on the side all along and she jsut couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, what? She’s calling ME a whore when it was her sister that was the whore to begin with? And when did either of us have time to do this? I work all the time and have the kids and he was NEVER, I repeat, NEVER allowed to look at me, talk to me or even acknowledge me. If he ever did any of those things, it was WWIII with her. She always kept him under her thumb. He wasn’t allowed to do anything without her being there. He was basically a prisoner in that whole thing. Why does she think her sister went to work at the same shop that SO works? Because she was jealous of every other female in town, especially me since he married me first and we share a child. Very possessive person, that one.

As I’ve mentioned before, anything that had to do with our daughter, I had to deal with her. We never had the opportunity to even say hi to each other. My daughter didn’t meet her until they’d been together for 2 or 3 years. So from that time on until early last year(8 years total), this is how it was. So tell me, how would we have been able to do that when she never let him out of her sight? That whore is the one that came between us to begin with and once she got her claws in him, she didn’t let go. Sorry for that bit of tangent I jsut went off on, but that jsut pisses me off…anyway. His friend told the FA that SO never cheated on her sister and wouldn’t have, and she’s jsut stupid for thinking so. SO told me not to worry about it because that whole family is trashy anyway. I told him she doesn’t even know me and I’m not like that. And it really ticks me off when someone says something like that about me. I guess she’s jsut too blind and stupid to realize what a whore her sister really is. 🙂 /rant

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Happy Day!

06 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by Babytex in Divorce

≈ 3 Comments

My S.O. jsut called me a lil while ago and informed that he had jsut got off the phone with ex-wife #2, the witch. She informed him that she’s getting re-married. Which means that I will now be the only one in town, besides our daughter, with my last name! Yay! My S.O. is ecstatic that she will no longer carry his last name. Yay!

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Marriage and Divorce for me

09 Tuesday Jun 2009

Posted by Babytex in Divorce, Life, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

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Tags

Divorce, Life, Love, Relationships, the ex-hub

Nine years ago I got a divorce. I was married for six years, one and a half of those six years I was separated. I felt like I’d been kicked in the teeth and couldn’t understand why I was being forced to endure the things I had in the past few years. None of it made any sense. For some, divorce is almost like a death and for me it was no different.

Leading up to the divorce, my ex had been working on the pipeline. Out on the road, men encounter many women in many different towns. Some men are smart enough to say no to it all, my ex-husband wasn’t. Needless to say, I found out on my own what he had been up to. Exactly a week for Christmas 11 years ago, I told him I wanted a divorce. I packed up my things and I left. He came home to a very quiet house. I left all the furniture and appliances. The only things I took were mine and my kids clothes and belongings. I purged myself of everything that reminded me of him. After the dust settled, we continued to see each other. Then I found out that he had met someone and moved her into our house we’d been renting. Another kick in the teeth. To add insult to injury, she was 19 – 10 years younger than me. To top it off, she was a bitch. And I’m not saying that out of bitterness, she was an utter bitch. Even though we were separated, it was obvious to me that she had no respect for the sanctity of marriage – just as he hadn’t. She knew he was married with kids when she met him and none of that mattered to her. A year later, our divorce was final. She actually wanted to come to the divorce, but apparently she’d had to work. I didn’t let her even meet my kids until she had been with my ex for about 3 years. The only reason I finally did is because my ex-boyfriend convinced me to let her meet them. I’ll save him for another blog.

When my ex and I had split up, I was so bitter and hurt by his actions that I wished upon him someone exactly like him. That they would treat him jsut as he had treated me and would act like he had. As fate would have it, I had got my wish. She was jsut as jealous and overbearing as he had been all those years. She was so jealous that she wouldn’t allow he and I to be friends. She didn’t understand why we needed to be friends even though we shared a child.

Over the years, I got used to having to go through her to discuss my daughter with my ex-husband – as ridiculous as it all was. There were times that I liked her better than him, only because I viewed him as a coward for not standing up to her.

A couple of months ago, he called me one morning at work – crying. He started apologizing for everything he’d ever put me through and for how she had treated me over the past few years. He then explained that she had left him for a younger man. She had been cheating on him for the past couple of months and was in love with this guy. Karma had dealt it’s hand. The irony of it all. Back when I had wished all that upon him, I was just hurt and I didn’t really mean any of it. I never would have dreamed it would all actually happen. My ex and I are back to being friends again and his divorce is supposed to be final any time now. Wow, what a switch all of this is. The moral of this story is, be careful of what you ask for…you may actually get it.

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