First SO effed it up and then my son. Even though neither of you will ever find my blog or even learn of its existence, thanks – both of you. Today made me not even want to have birthdays anymore and jsut skip them all together.
Ok, even though SO was once married to me – he didn’t remember my birthday until 3 months ago when Kiwi told him. He marked it in his calendar on his phone. It seemed really important to him so I thought, gosh he seems like he’s going to put some effort into this. In our past, I was never a priority to him so it wasn’t unusual to get a watch or soap set or something that requires little thought from him. The closer it got to my birthday it became evident that he didn’t have anything in mind at all. In fact, he was clueless. He started asking weeks ago what I wanted, I never know what I want because I don’t normally buy things for myself. I buy for my kids first. And I’ve always been this way, but my family manages to get me stuff jsut fine with no idea what to get. After all those years of being married to him and being made to feel that I wasn’t all that significant, it got to where I started feeling really weirded-out around birthdays and Christmas. Those were times that I would give the answer, “You don’t have to get me anything” because he always had a way of making me out to be the bad guy jsut by feeling sorry for himself.
Anyway, he noticed a few weeks ago that I need tires on my car and asked when I’m going to get new ones. I told him he’s not getting me tires for my birthday. “Well damn!” Two nights ago, I went to Home Depot and bought an electric pressure washer as a birthday present to myself. He told me that was something that could have been from him. I told him I don’t want him to buy me a pressure washer (especially for my birthday). Yep, real romantic that one is. He told me he sucks as a boyfriend. So my son had asked me last week to go hear him sing last night, SO knew this. Fast forward to yesterday. I’ve been cramping for days. So much to the point that when I lay down, I can feel that my ovaries are sore. I’ve felt for the past couple of days that my remaining girly parts are rotting, that’s how much it hurt. SO knew this before he came over yesterday. He came over around 5ish and asked me where I wanted to go (he meant shopping for me). I asked if he was hungry (wanting to avoid the inevitable), so we went to eat. I wanted to tell him again, that he didn’t have to get me anything because I knew how things would go. After we ate, he drug me to the mall. Forget that I don’t feel good. I quickly began to see that it wasn’t so much about getting me anything anymore, it was more about him not feeling bad. That was apparent when we got to the mall and I told him he really didn’t have to get me anything. He told me “Ok, if you jsut don’t want anything from me”. Ok, so now I’m the bad guy. Wow, something seems familiar about this.
He drug me all over the mall, clueless. I’m still hurting. We left empty-handed. He wanted to go somewhere else, but I wasn’t up to it. Still hurting. He says he’s probably fixing to piss me off, but oh well. He then proceeds to the bank and goes to the ATM. We leave, and we’re headed back to my house. We’re almost to the main road and then he takes a detour. He says he has one more stop. He goes to my local area grocery store and says he’ll be right back. He’s gone for 10 minutes and comes back with a small vase with a single rose and one of those cheesy little balloons on a stick. He hands it to me and says in his mopey voice ‘Happy birthday, I suck as a boyfriend’. He takes me home, he gets out and says he has to fix my card. There was a silver car sitting in my driveway and I thought it was my son’s female friend because they were supposed to sing together. After a couple of minutes I look back up and see that it’s my sister. She’s giving me evil looks as she’s walking to her car and then she leaves. He gets back in and gives me the card and tells me not to open it til I’m inside. Ok….
Once I get in the house, Kiwi comes in real excited with all of these bags of stuff and gives me two cards. One from her and one from son(I really need to come up with a good pseudo for him) and Tater, and then one from my parents. It was really sweet and cheered me up a bit. Then I opened SO’s card and saw that it contained $100 and was enscribed ‘I love you’. When Kiwi saw the money, she looked at me like ‘Are you kidding me?’. I put it back in the envelope and tossed it on my bed. I told Kiwi what happened. When I got to the part about the ATM, she said ‘That was A-holeish’. Yep. Had he still been with SHB, he would have already had her something. He treated her like a queen, but never me.
A few minutes later, son, Kiwi and I went to the Kareoke place. We had a good time until son’s two scummy friends, you know, the one that got him on drugs, walked in. I knew they were planning on him going with them, which he did. But before they left, I told his friends I don’t want them putting him in any inpositions. I don’t want him around any more drugs and I was the one that had to bale him out, not them. And it was my birthday and they had the nerve to hang around. I sent my son a text later telling him that I had a horrible birthday until I spent time with him and Kiwi and it got better until his ‘friends’ walked in. And I felt it was inconsiderate of him to leave with them. We texted back and forth, along with Gma(grandma) texting him. He got mad, of course and didn’t come home. I told Mom that I can’t keep doing this with him, he’s got me so stressed out it’s unbelievable. Sighs.
Anyway, that was my sucky birthday. I hope I can jsut avoid any and all birthdays from now on.