Ok, so here’s what’s got me so bummed…

New Year’s Eve, we stayed over at his bff’s house. I get along ok with the bff’s gf, but SO says she likes to stir the pot and keep things goin. He said she loves gossip. I stayed inside for a bit cause it was cold outside. She came in there and started talkin to me about SO’s oldest daughter. Here’s a little recap on how his relationship with his daughter has been….No matter how much SO calls her, she won’t answer her phone and never returns his calls. It really hurts SO’s feelings. One day, when he had to take his mom to the hospital, his daughter was walkin down the hallway with a bunch of her friends. She never saw SO and his mom, but he refused to let her know he was there. He said if she could come to town and not let him know she would be coming, he didn’t need to reach out to her. This has been going on for some time now. He’s seen her baby, (his granddaughter) not even a handful of times since she was born in May. He’s tried to reach out many times, but she won’t acknowledge his calls. The last time he spoke to her, she told him it’s a two-way street. Her ignoring him makes him feel like he’s not a good father to her. I told him she’s 20 years old and makes her own decisions now. She was raised by a mother that was bitter towards him her whole childhood because he didn’t marry her instead. When we were married, she never gave me a chance. Of course, she was 2 years old when I first met her. She always had her vindictive,  bitter mother in her ear all those years. Then when he got with SHB, she was 8 and SHB was 19. They hit it off swimmingly. She despised me still and it didn’t help that SHB was jsut as jealous of me as L’s mother had been. I was the enemy and never did anything to either one of those hoochies and was always nice to L.

Fast-forward to Saturday night. Bff’s gf told me that L had visited her a few days earlier and asked about me. Asked if Bffgf had ever met me and been around me. Of course we have. L explained to her that I’m the reason she doesn’t talk to her dad. That since she got pregnant and had a baby, she’s got it in her head that I don’t think very highly of her and don’t want Tater around her. Know who convinced her of that? SHB. They still talk, even though SO doesn’t believe they do. She also made a comment that I put her dad through so much. Huh? Like what? She claims that I kept dragging SO back to court asking for more money. If she knew anything about the Texas child support division, she would know that they review each case every 3 years and adjust the child support, if necessary. I never once asked for more money, nor did I ever take him to court. I was the one nice enough to let him know 3 n a half years ago that we were supposed to be meeting for our review at the state office right across the street from where he works. SHB had answered the phone. When I told her why I was calling, she got very angry and said that they didn’t need to review the child support because it had just went down and didn’t need to change again. It only went down because he paid off his back pay that the state had ordered he honor. I never asked for a thing from him. Even when Tater had to have surgery because she was left with SHB’s sister and no one was watching her and she broke her arm. SHB always offered to help pay for any of her medical bills but I never saw anything. I wanted nothing from that witch and I wasn’t about to ask for anything from SO. She was awful to Tater and my daughter remembers every detail very vividly. SHB made me out to be the devil to that kid and she believed it all…hook, line and sinker. The gf said that L was crying about it and it was pretty obvious she doesn’t think much of me. This really hurt me to hear all of this, especially when she makes me out to be such a bad person.

The gf asked me not to tell SO. She suggested that next time we come over, to suggest to SO he invite L to join us and she and I can have a nice little chat. Why? So I can be ambushed? The only person she might listen to is her dad. And that’s a big maybe. That night, I stayed away from everyone for most of the remainder of the night. During the night, SO knew something was wrong because I kept pulling away from him. He was drunk and I didn’t want to open a can of worms when he’s like that. Which isn’t very often. I didn’t get much sleep. I tossed and turned and kept having bad dreams. The next morning, I guess I woke SO up. He asked what was wrong and put his arms around me. I started crying. I told him what C (the gf) had told me. Instantly he said, ‘wait….WHAT???’ I told him everything I’d been told. He assured me that her not talking to him has nothing to do with me and she quit talking to him when he kicked SHB out. Despite the fact that she cheated on her daddy. But I’m the bad guy. The one who’s always been nothing but good to him and never asked for anything. He told me he’s going to talk to L and find out what’s going on and not to worry.  Still, it hurts to know that someone hates you so much who never once gave you a chance no matter how much you tried. *sighs*

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Wow

All those years I had to drive to you all because you “don’t like to drive”. But funny that when you hooked up with someone else after me who didn’t live in the same town as you, you drove to see her! And not only that, you weren’t with her for even a fraction of the time you were with me! Yes, it pisses me off because I’m jsut now realizing it. This is like a slap in the face to me. That’s really fucked up!

Can’t I Be Happy Too?

Tags

grrrrr, Life, Love, men, Relationships, sad

There are times when I feel neglected, when I feel that I shouldn’t have to be making as much of an effort as I do. That an effort should be made for me too. That someone should want to make the effort to see me like I do for them. This is one of those times…Why is it that once men become comfortable with me, it feels like they quit trying as much? Don’t I deserve to be made a big deal out of? Is this what I always have to look forward to? Someone becoming content with where they’re at with me and not feeling that they have to try as much? Or is this jsut one of my insecurities coming through? I’m not at all high maintenance, I’m not demanding. I go with the flow and I rarely complain. Little things go a long way with me.

But I don’t feel that I should always be the one making arrangements to see one another. I almost feel like I’m intruding in someone else’s life. It’s been a little over a week since I’ve been over. In less than two days, I’m going out-of-town for almost the entire week. I had tonight and tomorrow night free. Was anything suggested that we see each other? No. Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I, jsut for once, want to feel that I’m needed…that I’m necessary in someone’s life. To be told at least every once in a while that I matter to them, that they miss me, that I make some sort of difference in their life, that I help to make their life better. Not to feel that I’m jsut a fixture in their life. Don’t get me wrong, I hear these things plenty. But what are his actions saying?

Tuesday I go to Houston and I’ll be gone til Friday. He’ll be on call all weekend, which leaves anything else (me) out. I know my job takes up some of my time in my life. It’s not often that I have to drop what I’m doing to run to the store. But it’s not unusual that I get a call when I’m off or on vacation,something concerning work. But I don’t mind. It’s my career, it’s my lively hood and I’m not about to step back from it. I want to move up from where I’m at. And I don’t want to have to depend on anyone other than myself. And I’m rambling. My job isn’t the problem. I want to feel important to someone. I want to feel that I’m worth them making the fucking effort for me. Why aren’t I worth someone coming to see or making the arrangements? Ugh! Basically, I feel that he’s lost his momentum. Maybe he’s plateaued. If this is a rut it’s all heading into, at least this time I recognize it.  In the meantime, I’m not going to call and ask if I can come over. I’m not going to call to make sure his day is going fine. For now, I think I’m jsut going to make myself scarce and see what happens…I’m jsut tired of being let down.

Skanky Bitches

Tags

bitch, hoe, skank, whore

Today I got on fb for the first time in a couple of days. About once a week I do a search on SHB to see if she’s changed her name on there yet. Today, I found that she changed her name on there to OUR name. I was pissed, but wasn’t surprised. I texted SO to tell him. He immediately called me and said….WHAT?? I told him that this means when her divorce goes through, she’ll be wanting to change her name back to ours. He’s worried that this will cause problems for us, he’s afraid I’ll get that upset. I told him that I know she’s not going to go away. She still calls his friends wanting them to do things for her. I told him the thing that will cause problems if he talks to her, if he accepts her calls. If he does that, she’ll think there’s still a chance. He’s also afraid that if she is allowed to change it back, when she applies for credit…he’ll be getting crap mail with her name on it. Why? Because our last name isn’t that common at all, especially in Texas. I told him that when his parents moved to San Antonio, I got mail for them and that was after we got a divorce. I also told him that when I’ve pulled up my credit report, it shows his parents old address in San Antonio as me having lived there. He doesn’t want her getting any of his mail or vice versa. She’s such an idiot and a freaking psycho. I really hate her, and I don’t hate anybody, but I hate her. SO’s gonna go see his attorney tomorrow and find out if SHB has any legal rights to change her name back to ours. She never had any kids with him, she has no ties to him. Bitch! Gawd I hate her!

Admissions

Tags

confused, frustrated, him, me, the past, us

Last night, we took a drive to Shreveport to go to the boats. I’d never been and SO wanted to take me. To get there, we went through the small town we used to live in when we were married. It’s only a few miles away from where he lives now, but I hadn’t been through there since I left him 13 years ago. He commented that we were going through our old stomping grounds, I got quiet. On the way to Shreveport, he began telling me about times in the past that he’s been to the boats. Several years ago, he and a couple of friends (one former) had went to the boats. He told me that he lost around $400 that night and on the way there had gotten a $600 ticket. He stated that his former friend was married to his first wife. I then stated that he was married to me at the time, he got quiet. I was also pregnant with Tater. I’d told him that he had called me last that night crying because he went without letting me know. He also told me he skipped work that day.

I started thinking back to all the times we were struggling financially and could only imagine him hoarding money for himself. It made me sad. I didn’t have a good time last night, not because of his admissions. But because I jsut can’t see blowing money away mindlessly. I was also very tired last night. I was off from work yesterday, but ended up working 5 hours anyway. He knew I didn’t have a good time last night and he felt bad about it. At first I thought that maybe that’s what he liked about SHB. She liked gambling, 4-wheeling, flying by the seat of her pants. She had no responsibilities and liked to party and act stupid and do whatever she wanted. I’m the opposite. I’m responsible, have a good career and put my kids before everything else. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I jsut know that the past has had a huge impact on me.

Surprise!

Not really…SO called me a few minutes ago and informed me that SHB is getting a divorce. Yes, already. Word has it that she’s saying her new hubs drinks too much, she’s one to talk. From what I understand, she’s been referred to on more than one occasion as an alcoholic. I told SO that I’m sure he’ll be hearing from her real soon. He always does. I’m so sick of her.

Tomorrow I’m going out-of-town to help with inventory on the last two stores. I’ll be back on Friday, then Saturday I’m taking defensive driving. I’m still ticked at that stupid cop from December! I hope everyone is having a happier week than me 🙂

Family assholes

My sister who lives out-of-state (that we only see once a year, maybe) was in town today. Her and her family stayed at her husband’s parents house, which is rather tiny. I find it hilarious since my parents have their old house still full of furniture, plus they have extra rooms in their house and yet every time they choose to stay in a house that all 5 of them plus his parents, can barely squeeze into. They do this every time they come and Mom takes up for her and makes excuses for her every single time. Sometimes, they’ll be in town and she won’t even call my mom to let her know she’s here. I know for a fact she’s done this many times, because I’ll run into her in-laws. Mom should be hurt by this fact, but she overlooks it.

I had to work today so I was hoping I wouldn’t have to see them. I dropped the girls off at my parents house and went to work. Instead of going home for lunch like I always do, I went to my parents house. Mom cooked, so I might as well. They were still there, along with my other sister…the really evil one. No one said hi to me, but my parents and my kids. I don’t give a shit, I no longer see my sisters or my oldest sister’s husband as family anymore anyway. And her kids, they’ve been poisoned by whatever she has said about me in the past 4 years, so again, I don’t care.

I sat at the table and ate my dinner, then retired to the living room. They quit talking when I went in, eventually my sister’s husband started talking to my dad. I ignored them and talked to my kids. My son and oldest daughter left, along with my really evil sister. I was sitting there talking to Tater when my oldest sister yelled my name at me trying to get my attention. I’m sorry, bitch? You’re 3 feet in front of me and you think you have to yell? A big hearty FUCK YOU to you too, sis 🙂 She hasn’t behaved like a sister towards me in over a decade, so why do I care what she has to say to me? She’s almost completely disconnected herself from our side of the family since she moved to Louisiana over 10 years ago. She told me that I have presents under the tree. I started talking to Tater again.

In a few minutes I had to head back to work. Tater tried to get me to open them, but I told her I didn’t have time. I could tell she wasn’t happy with that answer, but I’m sorry. I don’t want my sister’s gifts. If you don’t want to be a sister to me or a daughter to my parents, and sit there and talk about me behind my back…don’t buy me gifts. I don’t want them and have no desire to open them. Take them back. Give them to someone who really needs something from you, charity or something. I know Dad noticed them not speaking to me, and I know for a fact that Mom did too, but she will try to turn it around on me, as she always does. She’ll probably tell me I didn’t speak to them first. Really? When I look at them and they’re shooting daggers at me with their eyes and I’m expected to say hi? They don’t deserve as much as a hello from me. I’m not happy to see them and refuse to pretend that I am.

It’s always my fault. It’s my fault my middle sister stabbed me in the back 4 years ago, it’s my fault that my oldest sister took her word for what happened without consulting with me first and decided I was to blame. It’s my fault that my oldest sister called me screaming at me telling me everything was my fault and I didn’t deserve what that bitch did for me. What did she do for me? Treat my kids like shit? Try to turn them against me for 9 years while I was at work trying to support them by myself? Make my kids do her laundry, clean up after her and whatever else she demanded out of them while reminding them they were only being ALLOWED to stay in her house, that they didn’t have a home, and somehow everything they had belonged to her even though I bought their stuff and payed most of the bills other than the house note. F both of those holy rollers with the big finger. Do I sound bitter where my sisters are concerned? I have reason to be. I don’t claim either of them as family and they will have a VERY hard time ever getting me to forgive them, if they ever even begin to feel the smallest bit of remorse for their actions.

Bleah

I don’t feel much like blogging, but I’m gonna anyway. This is what’s bothering me today. I’m fucking broke, in the very literal way, and it pisses me off. Every month it’s an absolute struggle to pay my bills. And yes, I’m behind on some. I can’t wait for income tax time so I can get caught up. There’s a guy that I work with that somehow conned his way into an overnight position which included a bump of 5 grand more a year and doesn’t work his schedule, not even close, plus he gets to moonlight at another retailer and nothing is being done about it. Sighs. I’m jsut really frustrated. I want out of my current slump.

Stupid Bitches

Tags

bitches, stupid bitches, whore

Last night I went to see the Significant Other. After a while, he told me about a woman friend of his that helps his former sister-in-law(fat ass or FA) with her candle business. The FA has her little “shop” (portable building) on his boss’ body shop property, so he sees her fat ass often. Anyway, his friend informed him yesterday that the FA told her that she thinks the reason her sister(the Witch) started cheating on my S.O. is because he’d been seeing me on the side all along and she jsut couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, what? She’s calling ME a whore when it was her sister that was the whore to begin with? And when did either of us have time to do this? I work all the time and have the kids and he was NEVER, I repeat, NEVER allowed to look at me, talk to me or even acknowledge me. If he ever did any of those things, it was WWIII with her. She always kept him under her thumb. He wasn’t allowed to do anything without her being there. He was basically a prisoner in that whole thing. Why does she think her sister went to work at the same shop that SO works? Because she was jealous of every other female in town, especially me since he married me first and we share a child. Very possessive person, that one.

As I’ve mentioned before, anything that had to do with our daughter, I had to deal with her. We never had the opportunity to even say hi to each other. My daughter didn’t meet her until they’d been together for 2 or 3 years. So from that time on until early last year(8 years total), this is how it was. So tell me, how would we have been able to do that when she never let him out of her sight? That whore is the one that came between us to begin with and once she got her claws in him, she didn’t let go. Sorry for that bit of tangent I jsut went off on, but that jsut pisses me off…anyway. His friend told the FA that SO never cheated on her sister and wouldn’t have, and she’s jsut stupid for thinking so. SO told me not to worry about it because that whole family is trashy anyway. I told him she doesn’t even know me and I’m not like that. And it really ticks me off when someone says something like that about me. I guess she’s jsut too blind and stupid to realize what a whore her sister really is. 🙂 /rant