Fast Forward Thirteen Months



I’m single, and thankful that I am. Things with the ex-hubs jsut got to be too much. The always drinking, any time we went out…Bud Light for him, and me…unsweetened tea. Wherever we were or he was, he had a beer in his hand. He drank it like some people drink cokes. He’d wake up with a hangover every day. I remember one time he insisted on taking me to a concert at one of the local bars. People from work were there and he was drunk off his ass. He was hanging all over me and I asked him to stop because I don’t like it and people would stare. He’d get right in my face and say in his drunk voice ‘fuck them baby’. Ugh..jsut thinking about it. Last Christmas came around, I don’t even remember what he got me, if anything. All I do remember is that he acted as if my family had the plague and would barely interact with them. It made things awkward for everyone. He was that way any time he was around my family and they were always nothing but nice to him. He never spent any time with Tater, wouldn’t even call her. He’d jsut tell me to tell her that he loved her. Things jsut kept getting worse and worse. New Years…Valentine’s Day, with each holiday and birthday I was made to feel even more unimportant.

My oldest daughter had moved to the same town where the Hick (my ex-bf)  lives for school. The ex-hubs went with us. My son, my daughter’s bf, Tater and my daughter-in-law and her sister all went to see her off. I was having a hard time with it, she and I have always been close. We were all having a hard time with it, we were all crying. The ex didn’t understand why it was such a big deal and he was being an ass about it the whole time. I needed support and he was jsut being a dick. He said we were all acting like someone died. He was being his usual douchebag-self. That made a lasting impression on me.

The ex-bf, the Hick, in my life continued to stay in contact with me, as he always had. He told me that he missed me and kept asking me to come see him. I finally gave in around the end of March. I had made plans to go visit my daughter, but then the ex-hubs decided he wanted to go four-wheeling, but I’m not into that kind of thing. (With him, it was always what he wanted to do, never cared much for what I wanted.) Imagine, him putting himself before my kid! He wanted me to go because he said he knew I ‘like nature’ and all. I got sick the night before we were supposed to go, thank goodness. I wasn’t faking either, I was seriously sick. Maybe I was physically sick of him. So, he went without me. I was feeling better later that morning so I went to see my daughter. But while I was there, I went to see the Hick..the first time in 8 years. It was good to see him, I missed his face.

I saw the ex-hubs 3 days later and I broke things off with him. I gave him back his ring, cried a few tears, but they were more of tears of freedom than sorrow. He continued drinking, would send me drunken text messages, call me and cuss me out for breaking his heart even though he never took care of mine. Tried his best to make me feel bad. I can’t even begin to tell you how bad it got. I was glad I had finally opened my eyes and got away. I went back to see the Hick the next weekend. That time he kissed me, many times. That wasn’t expected, he made me feel wanted. I missed that feeling from anyone. As soon as he kissed me I wondered why I had stayed with the ex-hubs for as long as I did. I wasn’t being treated the way I deserved or getting what I needed from him. I continued to see the Hick for the next 3 months. But the funny thing is, when I started visiting him, I stopped hearing from him. He used to text me all the time and send me stuff on FB. As soon as I started seeing him, nothing. Finally, one day he made my daughter a promise that she could come over and go fishing and didn’t follow through. He gave her this lame excuse. That evening, he texted me saying she didn’t show up like she was supposed to and he kept trying to text her but got nothing. I called her and asked, she said he texted her once and she didn’t answer. Now, you can screw me over, but when it involves my kids? That’s a big no-no. And that was that with him. Figures. I honestly expected more out of him. Maybe I thought too highly of myself that he would never treat me that way. Or, maybe I’m giving him too much credit…;)




Has It Really Been a Year?

So, I have less than an hour to type something up real quick. I don’t really have the much needed time to write a decent update. Much has happened over the past year and I will go over that in my next post. Not that anyone visits, but I’ll write anyway 🙂

My Bogie Boy

Rest in peace, sweet Bogie


Bogart was our Keeshond (pronounced Kaysaun). We’ve had him since he was a puppy. My sister purchased him from a breeder in Conroe, TX. I remember the day we went to pick him up, how the breeder taught us to brush him because he has an undercoat. My kids grew up with him. Four years ago, my sister moved into an apartment and couldn’t keep him, so he came to live with me and the girls. Everyone in our family loved him, we couldn’t have asked for a better family dog for my kids. I remember one time, we lived in a mobile home and we were all outside with him. Somebody stopped on the road in front of our house to look for something in their car. They left the door open and Bogie ran top speed and jumped in their car. One of the ladies in the car started screaming. He was so full of character like that. Brinkley, our sheltie and Bogie’s best friend, died on 12/11/08, 4 months after we bought our house. I was off that day and was taking Brinkley to the vet to have him checked out because one of the pads on his feet turned pink. I was going to get Brinkley and then pick up my daughter and we would take him together. She had declared he was her dog from the moment we brought him home. I had the leash in my hand and went out in the backyard and called him, but he didn’t come. I walked past the house and to my right, Brinkley was laying down and Bogie was laying right beside him. I called out to Brinkley again, but he didn’t come.  He had died and Bogie was there with him. That night, I kept Bogie inside. He slept on the floor in the living room and howled a very mournful howl in his sleep. I knew he missed his friend, they’d been together for years. We adopted a terrier a few months later. It wasn’t the same and neither was Bogie. There wasn’t that bond there and you could tell. He went from being a happy boy, playing with his friend, to an older boy. This past year, he started really going down hill. He started losing his hearing and would potty in the house. And then he started losing his eyesight. I have 2 steps going down into my living room. Each time, he’d trip on the steps. When he’d sleep, he’d whine in his sleep. He had arthritis and you could tell he wasn’t comfortable. I tried brushing him about 3 weeks ago. I had to hold him down to brush him because he kept trying to bite me from the discomfort. This morning I had my daughter ask my sister to take a look at him. She brought the medicine with her. She said it was time, he no longer had quality of life. I wanted him to go peacefully with his family by his side and not die alone. I’m glad Brinkley had him there by his side. This was a very tough decision for me to make. I called my mom and she cried too. We all loved him. He went peacefully and we cried the entire time. I’m going to miss my sweet Bogie boy. Now, he’s joined Brinkley on Rainbow Bridge and I’ll be happy to see them both when I get to the other side.



Oh the stress of it all…

bills…they’re never-ending. I have not-so-good credit. One house note takes up 85% of one paycheck, so I try to conserve half of my paycheck each time I get paid for my house note. A year ago, I got horribly behind, by 3 months. I’m not proud of it, but unexpected things come up that you jsut can’t foresee. I was scared out of my wits that they would take my house. But I called my mortgage company (aka the federal government) and explained my situation. Lucky for me, they put me on a workout agreement and I have held up my end of the bargain. I still have $1100 to pay back until I’m caught up and then my payment goes down a hundred bucks. I have a loan that I’m now two weeks past due on and my washer & dryer bill that I financed – the same amount of time behind. Yes, things are tough. Tater’s show choir teacher likes to spring things on us and gives us about a week notice that she’ll need how-ever-much money for whatever thing they have going on. The latest was their weekend retreat where they go 100 miles out-of-town for the weekend – $185. Out of my last check (which was this past Friday), I paid my house note, $48 for something unrelated at school and the $185 check that I jsut knew was going to go bouncy-bounce after looking at my bank account. I have $80 left in there and had overlooked that the check had already cleared. I didn’t know it because my bank failed to send me that nice little text letting me know that it had cleared. I didn’t find out until I checked my email this morning. SO has always been wonderful at keeping up with his finances so I’ve decided that I’m going to FINALLY take after his good example. That was there is never any doubt where I stand on my bank account. Sighs.

Two Years Ago…Yesterday….


I let my guard down and accepted an invitation to go out with my ex-hubs. We’ve had a couple of rough spots along the way, and when I say rough spots, I mean a break from each other. But here we are today, still together. I look down at my left hand that displays his great-grandmother’s beautiful diamond ring and I feel honored that he chose to give it to me and not my replacement of 10 years. I’ve loved this man since I was 24 years old, in February it will be 20 years ago. I’m grateful to have him in my life. There are things about him I wish were different, but at the same time, when you love someone – it should be unconditionally and you love all the things about them. And I love him. He brought up us getting married again a few nights ago. Lots has happened in the past couple of months, good things and I knew it would stir something in him to start thinking about it again. On a sour note, I’ve realized that his bff’s gf is jsut like the habitual liar that I used to be friends with and permanently cut out of my life…in the sense that she likes stirring up trouble. Sighs. Anyway, I’ll give an update in the next few days on things that have been going on, but right now, I have to jump in the shower 🙂

Today in the world of Meh


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Yes, I’ve decided to post again. I haven’t felt like doing that much lately. But today, I have a few things to say. A couple of weeks ago, SO picked up Tater and they spent the afternoon together. I think it was good for them both. Afterwards, SO and I talked. He admitted that he’s been drinking a lot over the past few years. This started after his dad passed away. SO also has problems with depression, add the drink to it and you don’t get a good combination. It’s all turned him into a personal ball of destruction. I love SO, I have for many years…I jsut buried it deep inside myself for a long time. He and I actually talked about that a couple of nights ago. About everything.

Anyway, back to the story. He’s hidden from me the amount he’s been drinking. I had no idea that it got to the extent that it did. Until I started getting the mean, drunken text messages from him. A couple of weeks ago, he woke up one morning and everything hit him at once. That he was in a self-destruct mode and he was about to lose everything that mattered to him, especially me. He came clean about it all. I suspected, but I never knew for sure. I admitted to him that I have started putting my walls back and begun pulling away from him. I told him that it had all jsut became too much. He would no longer confide in me, he kept everything bottled inside because he didn’t want to burden me. I told him that yes, I have problems of my own. But my problems are monetary, his are emotional. And we’re supposed to share that with one another. He quit the amount of drinking that he had been, his fridge is now full of water instead of beer. I no longer see bucketfuls of beer bottles and cans sitting around. He was turning into an alcoholic and his health was in jeopardy. He admitted that he had woken up each day, all that time, hungover. I never knew. I knew something was going on, I jsut wasn’t sure what. I was confident he never cheated, and he didn’t. He was too busy drowning inside himself. Although I was pulling away from him, I didn’t want to walk away from him. And I’m glad I didn’t.

He and I both know that things won’t get back to normal right away. It will take time. I’ve lost trust in him and he knows it. But we are openly communicating with each other now, he said he likes waking up in the morning feeling good. He talks about the fact that his parents never raised him to be the way that he was and he knows they would have been disappointed in him. He’s behaving like SO again, not like this person that I didn’t even like or want to be around. I know that all of this will take time.

In other news, I’ve kept up my active pursuit to find another job. I applied exactly a week ago today with the largest home improvement store in the US. A couple of nights ago, I received an email from their Corporate recruiter wanting to set up a phone interview. I jsut got done with that a half hour ago. I would be making well over what I am now. He said if they want to move forward with me, I will hear from him by the end of the week or early next week. I’m praying this all turns out the way I want. I’m so excited! Y’all send good thoughts and vibes my way, please!



I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to reel myself back in. I find that I get too open about my personal life, even with my friends. I jsut feel like sometimes I offend others without meaning to. I also reveal too much about my relationship when I probably shouldn’t. I know my friends worry about me and wish the best for me, but I also need to learn to be more private like I used to. So I’m going to work on that before I piss anyone off permanently. And for me, it’s either I keep the personal stuff to myself or I delete my blog. I still might do that, dunno yet.

Ironic that I was going to make this post this morning, but ran out of time. Then when I logged on tonight, I see that Whabbs has decided to be silent for a while. Anywho, that’s all I got.

What’s currently runnin through my mind

So, obviously today stirred up a lot of talk across the country involving the Support Chick-Fil-A day. I’ve seen many posts on Facebook, some from my friends, some from family, some from politicians. Some showing support, some very against it. I usually try to keep my opinions to myself, but I’ve got some things to say. For those of you that are protesting Chick-Fil-A and stating “I’ll never eat there again”, I’ve got one question for ya. What about the rest of us? I’m gonna change the subject a bit…What about when you protesting sonsabitches had prayer taken out of school? When I was a kid, we prayed in school, we said the Pledge of Allegiance. It wasn’t an awful thing to believe in God. Kids grew up knowing there is a higher power in place, whether it be God or whatever you choose to call it. We weren’t exposed to hate. By the time I had kids and they started school, they took prayer out of school all because of someone’s fucking opinion and protests. Someone whined too much and decided that their way was the right way for me and my family and we were told we could not do that ever again. Why? Because we might offend the atheist. Excuse me? You fuckers invaded MY way of life and told me what MY kids should or should not be exposed to.  You made it to where believing in a higher power is a bad thing. If they didn’t want their atheist kids to pray, they didn’t have to pray. Jsut sit there and look out the window or at all the kids praying, or whatever. Nobody forced them to pray. Let me tell you something, having faith in a higher power is all some people have left in this world. My kids were exposed to much different ways than I ever was. Bad things. They were told that it was bad to even mention God in school because you might offend someone. So, for those of us that believe in God or a higher power, we were told it was no longer right to do so. I’m not talking about Christians. To me, the definition of a Christian isn’t what it used to be. I’m talking about believers and I am a believer. Funny thing is, the majority of the country believes in a higher power. But my kids grew up basically being told it’s against the law to stand up for what you believe in. You took the reminder away from my kids that when they lose faith in life and humanity, they still have a higher power to turn to! Funny that nobody had a problem when believers were told they could no longer pray in school and still aren’t allowed to. That was right was taken from my kids. What is wrong with you people? Remember this? Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. That’s from our Bill of Rights. What happened to that you jerks?

Yes, I have a bit of a grudge and I’m not afraid to express my opinion about it. Now, that I’m off my soapbox… If you know me at all, you should already know the following: I don’t care if people choose to date or even marry the same-sex. I don’t care if someone chooses to be with someone of a different race. Whatever. People can do as they please and be with who they please. It’s no sweat off my back. God loves us all. I’m not a prejudice person against race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. I’ve known and still know plenty of people who are in same-sex relationships and they are no different from you or me. Same goes for race. They’re all good people and I love them. I LOVE all people, except for maybe SHB. She’s a skeez. But I’m also not going to be shunned or look down upon for where I choose to eat! It doesn’t mean a damn thing, not to me! So if I want to get my chicken at Chick-Fil-A, by God, I’m dang sure gonna get it. Nobody is ever gonna tell me that I can’t do something ever again because of something you’re against. And guess what? *Gasps* I ate at Chick-fil-a today, twice! Why? Because some protesting ASSHOLE told me my kids can’t pray in school anymore! And for those that believe in that rule, I’m willin to bet that what the owner of CFA said pissed them off because he mentioned the Bible. So, that was my twisted way of getting back at those jerks that took the aforementioned right from  my kids. Bastards. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you, but it makes sense to me lol. Anyway, I’m about sick to death of all this protesting bullshit! People jsut hang on whatever the media says nowadays and they’re part of the problem with everything. They’re always publicizing White House leaks that could effect our country’s safety and security, knowing that our enemies monitor our media outlets; they put their personal opinions out there, putting a spin on things and jsut plain ole stirrin up shit. Just to see the dems and reps and whatever else party rail against each other. That’s what’s wrong with this country. It’s gone straight to hell in a handbasket. Anyways, believer or not, I curse when I want to, I’m not at all above it so bite me! And if I’m wanna go have me some Chick-fil-A, I’m gonna do it! Don’t like it? You can shove it!