When you get married, you don’t enter into that type of commitment and think it’s something you will try out for a while. At least, most people don’t. When my divorce went through, I found myself lost. I had no clue who I was. I had lost all sense of self. My ex-husband took that away from me and I had let him. During my journey to re-discovery, I turned to the internet. It was new to my area at the time, so I thought I’d check out what this new craze was. I’d seen a certain website advertised, so I decided to give it a try. I wandered into one of their chat rooms and quickly discovered that it was something I enjoyed.
After a while, I made friends with a man from Lawton, Oklahoma. Sad as it is to say, he was something I had never encountered in a man before, mature. He was 41 and such a joy to talk to. He was a man of integrity, intelligent, very attractive and humble. He knew not what a special person he really is. Over time, we grew close. Some nights he would sing kareoke at a local bar and I would stay up to talk to him afterward. Dennis was a country man – had a stretch of land, horses, some cows and was easy on the eyes. Phew! There was something very calming about him. He was country, yet eloquent. He really got me, very few do. At one point we were supposed to meet, but as fate would have it, something came up and he was unable to go. I cried a few tears over that, but we remained in contact every day. We would sit and talk for hours. He made my heart sing and the thought of him still does. After a while, he quit getting online. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into two years. By then I had changed chat rooms, met new people and a new man that I had not yet moved on to. Then one day, I get an instant message from Dennis. My heart jumped. I had so many questions for him, yet I was just so happy that he was there. He explained why he had been gone so long, why he had left. He was a rather insecure man after so many failed relationships and marriages. He didn’t want to disappoint me, there were other factors but none that would have kept me away from him. He felt I deserved better than him and I hate that. He came back to tell me all of that. I asked him if he ever thought of me, his reply was ‘only every day’. I didn’t know it at the time, but that would be the last time I would talk to him. I’ll never be able to tell him what an impact he made on my life or how he really spoke to my soul. How thankful I was and always will be that he touched my heart the way he did. He made me feel alive again and without trying, made me understand that I am worthy of love. I think of him often. He will always be in my heart, where ever life takes him.