Yes, I’ve decided to post again. I haven’t felt like doing that much lately. But today, I have a few things to say. A couple of weeks ago, SO picked up Tater and they spent the afternoon together. I think it was good for them both. Afterwards, SO and I talked. He admitted that he’s been drinking a lot over the past few years. This started after his dad passed away. SO also has problems with depression, add the drink to it and you don’t get a good combination. It’s all turned him into a personal ball of destruction. I love SO, I have for many years…I jsut buried it deep inside myself for a long time. He and I actually talked about that a couple of nights ago. About everything.
Anyway, back to the story. He’s hidden from me the amount he’s been drinking. I had no idea that it got to the extent that it did. Until I started getting the mean, drunken text messages from him. A couple of weeks ago, he woke up one morning and everything hit him at once. That he was in a self-destruct mode and he was about to lose everything that mattered to him, especially me. He came clean about it all. I suspected, but I never knew for sure. I admitted to him that I have started putting my walls back and begun pulling away from him. I told him that it had all jsut became too much. He would no longer confide in me, he kept everything bottled inside because he didn’t want to burden me. I told him that yes, I have problems of my own. But my problems are monetary, his are emotional. And we’re supposed to share that with one another. He quit the amount of drinking that he had been, his fridge is now full of water instead of beer. I no longer see bucketfuls of beer bottles and cans sitting around. He was turning into an alcoholic and his health was in jeopardy. He admitted that he had woken up each day, all that time, hungover. I never knew. I knew something was going on, I jsut wasn’t sure what. I was confident he never cheated, and he didn’t. He was too busy drowning inside himself. Although I was pulling away from him, I didn’t want to walk away from him. And I’m glad I didn’t.
He and I both know that things won’t get back to normal right away. It will take time. I’ve lost trust in him and he knows it. But we are openly communicating with each other now, he said he likes waking up in the morning feeling good. He talks about the fact that his parents never raised him to be the way that he was and he knows they would have been disappointed in him. He’s behaving like SO again, not like this person that I didn’t even like or want to be around. I know that all of this will take time.
In other news, I’ve kept up my active pursuit to find another job. I applied exactly a week ago today with the largest home improvement store in the US. A couple of nights ago, I received an email from their Corporate recruiter wanting to set up a phone interview. I jsut got done with that a half hour ago. I would be making well over what I am now. He said if they want to move forward with me, I will hear from him by the end of the week or early next week. I’m praying this all turns out the way I want. I’m so excited! Y’all send good thoughts and vibes my way, please!
