Headaches update
So, I saw my neurologist for the first time yesterday. He said he thinks what I’m experiencing is migraines. He put me on two things, one is a beta blocker that is supposed to work well on headaches that I’m supposed to take daily. The other I take at the onset of a headache. I also have to check my pulse daily because of the first med. I started my meds yesterday. I felt a headache comin on yesterday when I was in his office, it knocked it right out and it didn’t come back. But the meds make me feel a bit run down since it lowers my blood pressure. We’ll see how it goes.
Each day brings us closer…
to him being ready 
Ok, so here’s what’s got me so bummed…
New Year’s Eve, we stayed over at his bff’s house. I get along ok with the bff’s gf, but SO says she likes to stir the pot and keep things goin. He said she loves gossip. I stayed inside for a bit cause it was cold outside. She came in there and started talkin to me about SO’s oldest daughter. Here’s a little recap on how his relationship with his daughter has been….No matter how much SO calls her, she won’t answer her phone and never returns his calls. It really hurts SO’s feelings. One day, when he had to take his mom to the hospital, his daughter was walkin down the hallway with a bunch of her friends. She never saw SO and his mom, but he refused to let her know he was there. He said if she could come to town and not let him know she would be coming, he didn’t need to reach out to her. This has been going on for some time now. He’s seen her baby, (his granddaughter) not even a handful of times since she was born in May. He’s tried to reach out many times, but she won’t acknowledge his calls. The last time he spoke to her, she told him it’s a two-way street. Her ignoring him makes him feel like he’s not a good father to her. I told him she’s 20 years old and makes her own decisions now. She was raised by a mother that was bitter towards him her whole childhood because he didn’t marry her instead. When we were married, she never gave me a chance. Of course, she was 2 years old when I first met her. She always had her vindictive, bitter mother in her ear all those years. Then when he got with SHB, she was 8 and SHB was 19. They hit it off swimmingly. She despised me still and it didn’t help that SHB was jsut as jealous of me as L’s mother had been. I was the enemy and never did anything to either one of those hoochies and was always nice to L.
Fast-forward to Saturday night. Bff’s gf told me that L had visited her a few days earlier and asked about me. Asked if Bffgf had ever met me and been around me. Of course we have. L explained to her that I’m the reason she doesn’t talk to her dad. That since she got pregnant and had a baby, she’s got it in her head that I don’t think very highly of her and don’t want Tater around her. Know who convinced her of that? SHB. They still talk, even though SO doesn’t believe they do. She also made a comment that I put her dad through so much. Huh? Like what? She claims that I kept dragging SO back to court asking for more money. If she knew anything about the Texas child support division, she would know that they review each case every 3 years and adjust the child support, if necessary. I never once asked for more money, nor did I ever take him to court. I was the one nice enough to let him know 3 n a half years ago that we were supposed to be meeting for our review at the state office right across the street from where he works. SHB had answered the phone. When I told her why I was calling, she got very angry and said that they didn’t need to review the child support because it had just went down and didn’t need to change again. It only went down because he paid off his back pay that the state had ordered he honor. I never asked for a thing from him. Even when Tater had to have surgery because she was left with SHB’s sister and no one was watching her and she broke her arm. SHB always offered to help pay for any of her medical bills but I never saw anything. I wanted nothing from that witch and I wasn’t about to ask for anything from SO. She was awful to Tater and my daughter remembers every detail very vividly. SHB made me out to be the devil to that kid and she believed it all…hook, line and sinker. The gf said that L was crying about it and it was pretty obvious she doesn’t think much of me. This really hurt me to hear all of this, especially when she makes me out to be such a bad person.
The gf asked me not to tell SO. She suggested that next time we come over, to suggest to SO he invite L to join us and she and I can have a nice little chat. Why? So I can be ambushed? The only person she might listen to is her dad. And that’s a big maybe. That night, I stayed away from everyone for most of the remainder of the night. During the night, SO knew something was wrong because I kept pulling away from him. He was drunk and I didn’t want to open a can of worms when he’s like that. Which isn’t very often. I didn’t get much sleep. I tossed and turned and kept having bad dreams. The next morning, I guess I woke SO up. He asked what was wrong and put his arms around me. I started crying. I told him what C (the gf) had told me. Instantly he said, ‘wait….WHAT???’ I told him everything I’d been told. He assured me that her not talking to him has nothing to do with me and she quit talking to him when he kicked SHB out. Despite the fact that she cheated on her daddy. But I’m the bad guy. The one who’s always been nothing but good to him and never asked for anything. He told me he’s going to talk to L and find out what’s going on and not to worry. Still, it hurts to know that someone hates you so much who never once gave you a chance no matter how much you tried. *sighs*
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Surprise!
SO and I were talking tonight, he brought up the M word. He didn’t ask, but we are discussing it.
More to come…
The Man in My Life
We met almost 18 years ago. I worked for a retail store, he worked for Budweiser. He drove the Busch truck and looked so good in his uniform One of my friends met him first. She was the receiving supervisor where I worked so she dealt with all of the vendors. I worked in the cash office and rarely came in contact with anyone other than managers or cashiers. My friend became friends with him and talked about him often. Her cousin, whom we also worked with, wanted to go out with me at the time, but didn’t have the guts to ask me. I remember the first time I saw SO. He was stocking beer in the rear of the store. I was walking up front and said hi to him and asked him how he was. He said hi and acted surprised that I spoke to him. A few days later, my friend and I met SO and his helper for lunch. He asked for my number that day and that’s all she wrote.
I got scared after of few weeks of dating and told him I wanted to take a step back. He told me he wasn’t going to let me go and wasn’t going anywhere but would give me as much time as I needed. He was the only man, even to this day, that I felt 100% completely comfortable with. I could jsut be myself with him. That scared me more than anything. Three short months later, he proposed and the rest is history. When we split up nearly 5 years later, I never knew love could hurt that much. I dropped almost 15 pounds during the break-up and the divorce. I hadn’t weighed 95 pounds since I was 14. My body felt like it was shutting down on me and at times I felt I was dying. I was bitter for a long time. I remained that way until a wonderful man from Oklahoma came along that I met in a country music chat room, of all places. He taught me that I still had the ability to let someone in and learn to love again. To him, I’ll always be grateful.
Three years ago, the inevitable happened. SHB cheated on SO and he divorced her. Almost immediately, he knew the pain that I had endured all that time. He asked me for forgiveness, but I had already forgiven him years before. After his divorce, he asked me out for 18 months and each time I’d say no. Finally, last September and much to his surprise, I said yes.
These past 14 months haven’t been easy. We’ve had to learn each other all over again. We’ve had some not so great times along the way and some really good ones, but we love each other. He tells me every day that he loves me. He gets sad at night when he’s lying awake at night, alone in his bed – longing to cuddle with me. Many times, he will wake up in the middle of the night and reach for me only to remember that I’m not there with him.
He’s not perfect by any means. He irritates me at times, and at others he down right pisses me off. But he’s always seen me for me. He doesn’t punish me for what others did to him, like someone else I know. And he doesn’t expect more than I can give. He’s thankful he has me, and I feel the same. I don’t know what our future will bring. Or if Whabbs predictions will come to fruition. (One can only hope!) For now, I’ll jsut sit back and enjoy my time with him. I jsut know that deep inside, this feels right.
What’s the Real Truth?
I’m hoping that some day we will know the answers to questions people have been asking for years. Who REALLY killed JFK? What’s the real reason for Area 51? Is there really intelligent life out there? What has our nation been keeping secret from everyone, cause we all know there are things they don’t tell us. Jsut sayin..lol
Son
My son has been sick for almost 3 months now and we still have no definitive answer to what is wrong with him. We’ve had blood and poo tests run at the hospital. We were told by the specialist last week that it’s a parasite, today he claimed that he never said that and was very rude about it. My son has been in pain and barely been able to eat all this time, has trouble sleeping and has lost weight. He’s had a gastroscopy and a colonoscopy done on him with only the following conclusions: he doesn’t have ulcers and nothing’s wrong with his colon. However, the rude specialist prescribed meds for a spastic colon. We’re not taking him back to the rude doctor and we don’t know what else to do. I jsut want him better.
Politics & Religion
These are the two things I refuse to discuss with anyone. I don’t enjoy discussing either of those subjects with anyone. I could care less what anyone’s opinions are and I’m not gonna try to convince anyone that my opinions or my ways are the right ones. I don’t watch news channels because I end up getting pissed off. CNN is anti-Republican, Fox is anti-everyone-else and they’re both very one-sided. I would love to find a single media outlet that isn’t biased in some way and tells it the way it is. Not gonna happen. I don’t get on the internet a whole heckuvalot because I get tired of the political pissing contest I often see. I get on FB mainly to play games and that’s pretty much it. I rarely comment on anyone’s page unless it’s family. If politics are mentioned on sites that I frequent, I tend to hit the little red x in the top right hand corner of my screen whether I agree or disagree with what is being said. I jsut assume not even bother. I get on the net to take a break from every day life and relax. Not to get pissy and let it help contribute to ruining my good mood. If I get pissy, I might go days without getting on. I’d jsut rather be happy than irritated.
For the record, I’m a Christian but I don’t talk about it. It’s no one’s business but my own. I’m also a member of the Republican party. Before voting, I weigh all the pros and cons of each candidate. I take into consideration what each party represents. And if a candidate (regardless of the party) is for something I don’t agree with, they don’t get my vote. I won’t NOT vote for a candidate jsut because of the party they represent. I don’t agree with everything my party represents. I don’t agree with everything politicians from the party do. Oh yeah, and I still like Bush. I liked Reagan, I even liked Clinton until he denied having an affair with that skanky ho. Bush made mistakes during his two terms, but he didn’t make those mistakes all on his own. No President ever does. And he certainly didn’t screw this country up during his 8 years. It was already pretty fucked up to begin with before he got in Office. Our economy’s been goin down the shitter for a longass time. The Republicans aren’t perfect by any means. But the same can be said about the Democrats and Liberals. Four years ago, I gave Obama the benefit of a doubt. He didn’t live up to my expectations. He’s made some bad decisions jsut as Bush did. And he’s contributed to fucking this country up even more than what it already was. However, Bush’s citizenship has never been called into question. Another reason I don’t listen to what others have to say about politics..because people are full of hate these days. And politicians are liars, all of them. Anyone who says otherwise is a dumbass. So, I could say a lot more, but I’ll end up jsut getting pissed off. Tootles.
An Unexpected Family Member
I have SO’s brother & wife added on my Facebook. I started noticing a couple of weeks ago that the sister-in-law had a girl on her profile listed as her step-daughter. SO’s brother is the only person she’s ever been married to so I knew that only meant that this girl would be a separate child of SO’s brother. Not to mention that SO’s brother is tagged in every picture of the girl. I’d been wanting to ask SO about it, and finally did a few days ago. He told me that his brother only has the 3 boys and it must be a child belonging to his brother’s wife’s brother. I explained that the girl would have had the same name as the wife’s maiden name. SO finally asked his brother about it Sunday. He called me to let me know that he spoke with his brother. I asked if he asked him about the girl, he said ‘you mean about his daughter?’. I didn’t know what to say, but I pretty much already knew. What other explanation was there? SO was hurt because the girl will be 20 in 2 months and his brother has known about her since she was 11. However, he only met her within the past couple of years. SO doesn’t understand and lost a lot of respect for his brother. His dad always drilled into him growing up, ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’. SO was always the one that made poor decisions, got in trouble, got his high school gf pregnant but stepped up to the plate and took responsibility for it. What SO is hurt most about is that his brother has kept his daughter from our small family for years. SO’s dad died 3 years ago next month, he’ll never have the opportunity to know his granddaughter. Also that his brother never took financial responsibility for her and didn’t that we know of. He also kept this secret from his parents, brother and grandfather all these years. SO told his mom the next day. He had initially told me that he wouldn’t but he changed his mind and told her Monday, her birthday. I’ve spoken to the girl through Facebook since and we’ve exchanged cell numbers. I think his brother’s wife is upset because of how SO took the news. But as SO told me, his brother has known about her all this time and the only reason he told SO about her is because he was asked directly. SO has lost a lot of respect for his brother, he’s finally realized that his brother is no better than him. It doesn’t matter that he makes close to 100k more than SO, money is not everything and certainly doesn’t make him better than SO. Your values and integrity are what do matter, not your pocketbook or possessions. SO understands that now.
